Tom

05:22 pm: God's Report Card
I found on the interents god's report card heehee :D

ACADEMIC REPORT CARD

Pupil's name: Yahweh
Primary source: The pupil's own composition, the Bible.

COMMUNICATION: F
Comments: The pupil shows an inability to communicate even the most basic ideas in a way that everyone can understand and agree upon. Written communication is infused with errors and contradictions while oral communication appears non-existent.

MATHEMATICS: D
Comments: The pupil fails to grasp even the most rudimentary principles of addition. He supplies a range of answers, presumably in the hope that one will be correct (compare 1 Chron 18:4 with 2 Sam 8:4; 1 Chron 19:18 with 2 Sam 10:18; 1 Chron 21:5 with 2 Sam 24:9.). He thinks pi equals 3. Suggest a course in stacking blocks.

SCIENCE: F
Comments: The pupil thinks genetics consist of having animals view patterns while breeding (Genesis 30:37-39). He believes humans are made of dirt, badgers and rabbits chew their cud, insects have four legs, and the Earth is 6000 years old. An F- would be more appropriate, if available.

HISTORY: D
Comments: The pupil appears muddled and confused. He often provides conflicting accounts of the same event and embellishes them with absurdities (i.e. disinterred zombies, talking animals, magic trees, people turning into salt or living inside whales).

GEOGRAPHY: D+
Comments: The pupil displays ignorance regarding simple geographical facts, for example, by claiming that people traversed routes or appeared in places that are geographically impossible (Mark 5:1; 5:13; 7:31; 11:1).

HEALTH SCIENCE: D -
Comments: The pupil appears deluded as to what constitutes healthy practice, for example, by prescribing genital mutilation, voodoo cures for leprous houses, and insisting that menstruating women and newborn children be shunned due to their unclean and sinful nature (Lev 12 + 15). Principles of basic hygiene elude him.

COSMOLOGY: F
Comments: The pupil insists the earth is flat, the universe is geocentric and stars revolve on a solid dome a few miles above the earth (Gen:11, Matt 4:8, Dan 4:11, Eccl 1:5, Isaiah 40:22, Judg 5:20, Job 38:32). Best to begin the pupil again from scratch.

CONDUCT: F
Words are inadequate to describe the pupil's antisocial behavior, which includes acts of mass genocide, infanticide, slavery, rape, and human sacrifice. It is assumed this behavior springs from the pupil's jealous and vengeful nature, compounded by delusions of grandeur and demands for worship which, understandably, many do not believe he deserves.

OVERALL COMMENTS: The pupil displays profound ignorance on all subjects to a degree that is quite alarming - estimated IQ in the range of an imbecile. Admission to the special-needs class is recommended, providing staff there are able to cope with such a profuse range of deficits. Urgency is advised, as this pupil, inexplicably, is viewed as an authority by many people around the world.

Tags: funnystuff